Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The SWINE FLU: PROVOEVO Answers your F.A.Q.s


The Swine Flu is the newest hot pandemic everyone from People Weekly to Rolling Stone to Men's Health are talking about. To shed some light on what all the hype is about, the PROVOEVO panel of experts have been answering your questions over the last few days. Finally, after much passionate love-making, here is the fruit of their labour.

What can I do to stay healthy and avoid contracting the virus?
You can't. The swine flu virus does what it wants when it wants. It's as simple as that. If the virus wants to go shopping for super hip New Balance shoes at the mall, it will.

Where does this virus come from?
It comes from pigs? WRONG. It comes from a bird/pig/human hybrid. So far no sightings have been reported. If you see this birdpigman, you should _________ .

Is it safe to eat pork?
No. It is never safe to eat pork. Ever. Just go look at where those things are bred and you will see that the is absolutely no reason to support that disgusting industry.

Hmm, I just got an idea for a porno


Is there any type of vaccine that exists for this virus?
No. It is however reported that many experimental curing methods are being developed in Mexico. Some researchers have been infiltrating a local pig farm, living amongst pigs to learn their ways. One researcher claims to have made out with a female pig. No one wants to believe him, but we all know it's true.

Can my computer get this virus?
A few cases have been reported in Russia where the swine influenza virus jumped from a human to his laptop computer running Windows Vista. This caused the system to become even slower and crappier than usual. The owner ended up surviving, but his laptop did not. Only a few computer fatalities have been reported as infections are not widely reported.

A possible vaccine??

What are the known symptoms of the swine flu?
The swine flu symptoms are like any other flu. So be very afraid peoples of the world.
Coughing, diarrhoea, nausea, soar throat, abnormally long farts, loss of appetite, etc
I think I had this last week.

What do I do if I think I might have the swine flu virus?
Remain calm. Never panic. Stay home and sleep. I think I might do that today even if I don't have the swine flu. Precautionary measures! Also, drink alot of water. Wait a minute, this is starting to sound like any flu treatment. Taking care of yourself! Perhaps this is just an elaborate scheme to teach us all good hygiene, part of the Hygiene awareness week!

I think the message the swine flu is trying to send us, is that we've lost respect for our hygiene.

"The LORD is my light and my salvation- whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid? The Swine Flu, that's whom!"
Psalm 27:1

1 comment:

  1. MANBEARPIG, time to call in Al Gore!
    http://tr.im/k0je

    ReplyDelete