"I've never laughed this hard to a piece of music in my life"

They(by they i mean Axl Rose) are back. Guns N' Roses, after I had finally *almost* completely forgot this band ever existed, they somehow decide that they should release another album. I never really listened to this band growing up, but their sound was everywhere and they were huge. This new album allegedly cost around 13 million dollars! Which was enough for Axl to rent too many guitars, a plethora of musicians and even a pitch shift on his vocals, to make them sound perfect.

“We know once it’s released, people will refer to it as ‘Dr Pepper for the ears’ because it will be such a refreshing blend of rich, bold sounds - an instant classic.” Lame ass metaphor by a drab has-been? *acts surprised*

In a masochistic mood, I decided to sample this. It wasn't easy, but someone had to do it, right?
I will discuss in depth a few certain tracks of my selection. Here goes!

Chinese Democracy!

After a 1:20 minute intro, slowly building momentum for what your wildest dreams tell you could *may be* be good, the song kicks in with some epically loud electric guitars that brought me right back to 1989, I was 4. The song then all of a sudden mutates, brings me right back to the present as it turns into some sort of Godsmack, sort of nu-metal sound and all of a sudden its Dave Growl and the Foo Fighters. This obviously shows that this song was being conceptualized for many years, and as a result is confused musically!

Scraped

This song almost had me fall off my chair laughing, as it is opened my by what sounds like some sort of bad RnB acapella, pitch shifted to perfection. Is Axl doing his own backups here? I've never laughed this hard to a piece of music in my life, as I almost fell off my chair. I could have hurt myself, and that would have been one more reason to not listen to this album(although i hear you get a free doctor pepper with it upon purchase). Axl throughout the album hits notes that are impossible to hit for a fat fucking has-been, clearly the use of modern technology was used excessively to beautify the album. They even helped make-someone's-dreams-come-true: "Oh thanks guys, I couldn't even hit those notes in real life!" I vomit all over you Axl.


The rest isn't even worth talking about, it sucks so much I am thinking of calling my lawyer to see if there's any way we can stop him from releasing this heaping pile of manure to the masses. This should be a fucking crime!

I will end this abuse of myself with a quote from the Observer's review of this: "Now that this half-cocked hard rock anachronism is here, the only laughs are unintentional. Axl: you blew it."
Amen!