Conservative Party of Canada Announces National Convention in Winnipeg

OTTAWA – Yesterday, Don Cherry, National Council President for the Conservative Party of Canada announced that the Conservative Party will hold the Conservative Party of Canada's National Policy Convention in Winnipeg, Manitoba on November 13-15, 2008.

“This is an excellent opportunity not only for the City of Winnipeg but for the entire universe to be showcased on the interplanetary stage,” said Cherry. “The Conservative Party has a strong team in Manitoba and they have worked hard to bring our Lord L Ron Hubbard back to life.”

Each of the 308 Conservative Party electoral district associations from across Canada is permitted to send 12 white Anglo-Saxon protestant voting delegates to the Convention, however women and visible minorities are strictly forbidden.

“This is exciting opportunity for grassroots conservative members, candidates, Cabinet Ministers and Members of Parliament from across Canada to come together and embrace new circle jerk methods, like the ski poling and rowing ,” said Cherry. “The Conservative Party of Canada and our predecessor parties have a long history of circle jerking with our grassroots members, and we cant wait to blow our loads all over each other."

There will be a weekend filled with exciting activities:

• Mass Suicide Night Rahim Jaffer was a surprise loser on election night, going down to defeat in his Edmonton riding to the NDP's Linda Duncan. The big consolation prize came from his fiancé, Conservative MP and Minister of State Helena Guergis who showed up the next day ready to get hitched. They and their cult of The New Aura Of The Heavens of Our Lord Hubbard cordially invite you to an evening of celebration as they will commit mass suicide at midnight, in an effort to raise awareness for more tax cuts to struggling upper class. (Friday Night at Hi-Fi with the Hosers)
• The Canadian Private Copying Collective Suite The Canadian Private Copying Collective cordially invites Conservative Party of Canada delegates to our hospitality suite to meet some of Canada’s worst major label musicians, performing artists and songwriters. (Thursday all night at the Radisson. Bring your ear plugs!)
• Eggs over easy with Monte Monte Solberg -- you remember him, don't you? -- us neither... wait, who the fuck is this guy? Whatever, he headlines the Conservative Club of Winnipeg's breakfast at the Norwood Hotel. You need tickets for this one, unfortunately, on Thursday morning. (This is the one to miss!)
• The next premier of Manitoba? Nope! Hugh McFadyen is the worst leader of Manitoba's Progressive Conservatives we've ever seen and the Manning Centre for Democracy is presenting Hugh teamed up on an exciting double bill with Dr. Frank Plummer who will talk about infectious sexually transmitted diseases, currently plaguing the party. (Add your own punchline here ...). All the action from the Manning Centre is at The Winnipeg Millennium Library. That's right, the library! On Friday, from 4 till 6 am.