THE GLORIOUS RETURN OF THE DESTROYER

Well, I am officially bored and confused about life which means I have been ingesting lots of funny music lately. I am trying to resuscitate my lust for words and writing in general through this blog. Observ me flexing my linguistic muscles here on a regular basis from now on. Enough of that: may I offer you a short review and a preview of what's to come on this shit blog?



Today I present you Volcano!, on The Leaf Label(Caribou, PSAPP). They put out a new record September 1st called Paperwork. It's a dandy folks, and good follow up to their previous album Beautiful Seizure. They have grown to accept some pop sensibilities(Africa Just Wants to Have Fun for example) that emerge amidst the chaos of their sometimes messy jams. Overall they create some really interesting songs with their strange take on avant-guardism. These guys keep it prog, kraut, noise, experimental, and psychedelic. Oh and the singer is a crooner. I've had this record on repeat for a few days now. The Destroyer strongly recommends.



Watch & Listen: Africa Just Wants to Have Fun video


So that's it for tonight folks, watch for much more of this random banter over the following days, weeks and months. Also, watch for posts where I systematically destroy what I find terrible in the world of music. From bands and records to copyright issues and greedy corporations. There is so much I don't even know where to start. Until next time,

Jesse

I hate pitchforkmedia.com

In a month long celebration of hate fest, I bring you a topic that's been sulking inside me for a long time:


I hate pitchforkmedia.com

They fucking suck.

Their review system is insanely stupid. Somehow they can, through some sort of magical mathematical equation come up with very specific ratings for an album review. Have they hired some German engineers to create a machine capable of awarding such specific ratings of albums by closely analyzing every aspect of the music?

For example, here is a rating given to one of my favorite most albums of the nows:
Iron & Wine
The Shepherd's Dog

[Sub Pop; 2007]
Rating: 8.6

8.6????????? How the fuck do you come up with, not only a 8 on 10, but a 8.6 on 10???
The reviewer instead of explaining how his music reading machine came up with the reading of 8.6 gives us 6 paragraphs of romanticized bull shit, sounding like a fan boy biggot.

He ends his review saying that "the first time [he] listened to it, [he] played it straight though again when it ended, and [he] can't think of a higher compliment than that."
Well clearly you can think of a higher compliment if you awarded this review a 8.6/10 because your team of pretentious indie fags usualy like to give low scores.


They recently crossed the line when they gave the new Radiohead album a rather strange score:

Radiohead
In Rainbows [self-released; 2007]
Rating: IT'S UP TO YOU

Are you fucking kidding me? It's apparently, up to us to "pick our own rating". Oh finally! I can test this insta-review machine I got from a pitchforkmedia intern last week.

This was clearly a move to mimic Radiohead's sale tactic that allowed fans to chose their own price for the album. Very clever! My machine says 8.886263423, I guess we can round that off to a 8.89? If only i could understand how this machine works!



Music is the most subjectively enjoyable thing on earth. There is music for everyone, retards, batty boys, girls, perverts, etc.

You either like it, or you don't. Pitchfork's pretentious and exaggerated approach to music reviews makes me sad inside. Tonight I might do something about it, like get really really drunk.

Ah well. Music is Life!

Death to pitchfork!