The Year's Worst Record Ever: Diamond Rings - Special Affections

Isn't she... erm, he cute?

Once in a while I get offended by music that in theory I should like. I want to like it. I tell myself "no, come on Jesse, it's not that bad." But alas, it is that bad. Of course all the art-fag bloggers of the world love this guy, so I will disassemble and expose the lies.  There was a time when I really enjoyed writing about really bad music. I will revisit those days right now.

 Dubbed "unique lyrical brand of pop songwriting" by the label Secret City, Toronto's Diamond Rings annoys the fuck out of me. Special Affections which retailed yesterday, opens with one of the most painfully difficult tracks I've ever had to listen to, Playfull By Heart. One blogger calls it "an epic piano pop ballad". There's nothing epic, pop or ballad here folks. Diamond Rings tries to be dark and melancholic, but instead ends up sounding like a recent post-pubescent teen age boy's first foray into song writing.

John O's singing sounds forced and aimless. Sometimes he's Ian Curtis, sometimes he's Julian Cassablancas. He has what experts call vox schizophrenie, or vocal schizophrenia for short. Clearly John O doesn't even have a creative identity so he doesn't know who to be when he sings, adopting voices we've all heard before instead of finding his own.

Some people will say "but he has alot of great music videos on youtube"!! I honestly don't give a fuck about videos on youtube, unless they're from musicians I appreciate. So fuck you blogosphere for proping up this bland and mediocre act on a pedestal like you did with Die Antwood or whatever the fuck it's called.

Here's the bottom line: Diamond Rings is melodically unimaginative, vocally handicapped and covered in bad make-up. Next time he should let someone good handle production and let a skilled singer take charge vocally. Oh but that would leave him out of the equation! OOPS!

Skip it and wait for the next Secret City release, which will hopefully be good this time.

And that is why Diamond Rings - Special Affections is the year's worst record.